Pride Cometh Before the Fall

“The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others.” (H. Wallace Goddard) Take a moment to reflect on this insight. Do you find this to be true in your life? Do you see others as those who need fixing, yet rarely look at how to improve your own flaws? In becoming true partners working toward eternal salvation, do we listen to our spouses, take their opinions into consideration, and choose the ‘us’ over the ‘me’?

It is interesting to consider the various ways in which pride sneaks into our lives and into our marriages, without us even recognizing it for what it is. What are some of the ways which pride manifests itself that might slip past us? President Benson counseled, “Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. ‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking… Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.” In The Seven Principles that Make Marriage Work we read that one of the key principles is to let our partner influence us. I would interpret this to mean that we should be partners in marriage--true equals who each have a voice and a say. We cannot compromise in a marriage if we don’t have respect for points of view that vary from our own. Even the healthiest, happiest of marriages come across moments of disagreement. It’s bound to happen to even the best of us. If we’re willing to divide the control within our marriages, take advice from our partner, and work on our own flaws, we can lay a stronger marital foundation, and more effectively avoid some of those pride traps.

I was very interested in this advice from H. Wallace Goddard. “Any time we feel irritated with our spouses, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance, but an invitation to call ourselves to repent. We are irritated because of our own lack of faith and humility.” Admittedly, this is a bit of a hard pill to swallow yet I am more than willing to take his advice and implement it in my own marriage.  I’m excited and interested to see how I can alter outcomes for the better by considering this opportunity! On the same note, Goddard says, “Appreciating is more powerful than correcting. Appreciation inflates the tires on which we travel. Criticism is a slow leak in those tires.”

I love this counsel from Joseph Smith: “If you would have God have mercy on you, have mercy on your spouse.” I don’t know about you, but I know that I need a pretty hefty dose of God’s mercy.