I've heard it said often, and I've seen it come to fruition even more often -- Be friends first. Before there is any semblance of romance, any sign of impending marriage, should we first get to know each other-- our likes, our dreams, our values? I would say yes. And I believe that the research done by John Gottman would back up this hypothesis. In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman describes why this is important when beginning to navigate the waters of a marriage. He describes what he calls 'attunement,' a deep, abiding understanding of one another on a core emotional level. To those who have read the Book of Mormon, we might liken this to the words of Alma in Mosiah 18, telling of those who were "willing to bear one another's burdens that they may be light; yea, and willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." As true disciples of Christ we should be willing to take this into what should be the most important relationship we create-- our marriage. We should become so attuned to our spouse that we feel their pain when they are hurting, share their joy in the truest sense, and magnify their strengths in mortality.

 

We are imperfect beings striving to become more like our Savior every day. H. Wallace Goddard gives this noble claim regarding marriage in his book, Drawing Heaven into your Marriage: "Marriage is God's graduate school for advanced training in Christian character." What better place to learn to become more Christ-like than in our homes, where we see, and are part of not only the best of people, but the worst of people. 

 

Our Savior Jesus Christ was the ultimate example of sacrifice. His suffering, on behalf of each of us and our shortcoming and misdeeds, has no comparison. I would venture a guess that in striving to become more like our Savior we would do well to learn to make sacrifices. Heaven knows there are plenty of opportunities to within the bounds of marriage. We sacrifice things we want at times for a greater good–for the betterment of our families and our spouses.

 

There's no doubt that there are points in every marriage when the only way to weather the storm is on our knees, relying upon our Savior to pull us through with His saving grace. Goddard continues, "There is a quirk to human nature here. Many of us find it easier to minister to the stranger than to the family member. Unexpected service to the stranger is often warmly appreciated. Service to family is often expected and often goes unappreciated." Is this the case in our homes? Do we lack in giving the best of ourselves to those who are most deserving? Let this not be the case! Let us treasure these relationships which deserve our utmost care and understanding! Let us strive every single day to the best friend to our dearest companion! Though the storm clouds may still find their occasional way in, we will be better prepared with our umbrellas of common goals, interests, and aspirations, and our parkas of love for the Savior, and devotion to living His word.