Marriage: An Eternal Commitment

Bruce C. Hafen, author of Covenant Hearts, describes two possibilities for marriage—we can enter into a contract marriage, where we give 50 percent of ourselves, and have the option to walk away when times get tough, or we can commit to a covenant marriage, promising to give 100 percent of ourselves and weather the storms as a team. So, which kind of marriage will we choose, and why?

Hafen goes on to describe three types of trials or wolves that attack and test our marriages. First, he cites natural adversity such as serious medical conditions, or the loss of a child. Second, are our own imperfections. Do we get caught up in fault finding with our spouse, leaving little room for building and nurturing confidence? And third, and the one I find has become the most detrimental in our current society, excessive individualism. The world has become a place of ‘me,’ which we need to replace with the imperative ‘we.’ We are bombarded with messages of self-involvement, and self-importance, and are losing our drive to serve, uplift, and join with others. This is conducive to neither healthy marriages or eternal ones.

 The Family: A Proclamation to the World declares, “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children… Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.” The words ‘central’ and ‘essential’ jump out, signifying the vital nature of the institution of marriage.  In the 131 section of the Doctrine & Covenants the Lord revealed to the prophet Joseph Smith, “In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; And if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.” Elder David Bednar explains two reasons why marriage is essential. He states first, “Natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation.” And second, “By divine design, both a man and a woman are needed to bring children into mortality and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children.”

President Ezra Taft Benson said, “The temple is an ever-present reminder that God intends the family to be eternal. How fitting it is for mothers and fathers to point to the temple and say to their children, ‘That is the place where we were married for eternity.’ By doing so, the ideal of temple marriage can be instilled within the minds and hearts of your children while very young.”

One thought from Elder Bednar struck me as something that I feel I need to improve on. “As men and women, as husbands and wives, and as Church leaders, one of our paramount responsibilities is to help young men and women learn about and prepare for righteous marriage through our personal example… Our children and the youth of the Church will learn the most from what we do and what we are—even if they remember relatively little of what we say.” My convictions regarding the sacred, essential, and eternal nature of marriage are strong. It is my goal going forward that I will better make these beliefs known, both to my own children as well as the youth I work with in my calling. And again in the words of Elder Bednar, “We are ordinary people who must accomplish a most extraordinary work.”